Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
