My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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