It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Shame - the story of my life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
