I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Small penises have feelings too.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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