How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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