she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
