you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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