So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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