my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
