I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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