i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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