I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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