Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
