some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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