I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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