How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
