I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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