Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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