Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
