yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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