I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
