so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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