WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
