And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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