guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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