You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
