Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
