ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
