He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
