I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
