Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
