i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
