We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
