i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
