if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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