are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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