And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
