Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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