My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
