you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
