I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So vagazzling was a success
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
