those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
