I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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