Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
