i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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