Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
