I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
