Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
