Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
