when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
handjob tips. give me some.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
