I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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