a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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