Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
